


northern star (our love got lost)

by theresonatinglight



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Bartender Ben, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Birth Control, Drinking to Cope, Engineer Rey (Star Wars), Exes-to-Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gentle Sex, Getting Back Together, Lawyer Ben Solo, Mutual Pining, No Pregnancy, Oral Sex, Pining, Porn With Plot, Rey Needs A Hug, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:01:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24850471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresonatinglight/pseuds/theresonatinglight
Summary: She wonders if he’s hoping to fix other things, too. What about us - do you want to fix us? she wants to ask. But she holds back, smacking herself internally for even thinking about it. It’s not his job to fix her mistakes. She’s the one who left, after all.A modern!AU where Rey and Ben find their way back to each other.Chapter 1 (the plot bits); Chapter 2 (the smut)
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 39
Kudos: 173
Collections: Reylo Jukebox Exchange





	1. you are in my blood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Everren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everren/gifts).



> For [Everren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everren/pseuds/Everren), as part of the [Reylo Jukebox Exchange](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/reylojukeboxexchange). The song prompt was “A Case of You” by Joni Mitchell. 
> 
> I had so much fun writing, and I’m excited to post this as my very first Reylo story! I’ll be posting Chapter 1 - the plot bits - first and following up shortly with Chapter 2 - the smut. Enjoy!!

_Just before our love got lost you said_

_"I am as constant as a northern star"_

_And I said, "Constantly in the darkness_

_Where's that at?_

_If you want me I'll be in the bar"_

\--

“Rey? Can you stop by my office for a moment?” Leia asks, walking up to Rey’s desk.

“Of course, what do you need?” Rey stands and follows the older woman to the office, where Leia proceeds to close the door behind them.

“I just wanted to touch base with you about the pitch on Monday. Do you think you’re ready? Do you need any support from me?”

Rey muses. For the past several months, she’s been working on a proposal for a large solar power installation for the city’s most underserved schools to help lower the schools’ utilities costs and provide resources to teach the students about sustainable energy. The Resistance, Leia and Luke’s eco-friendly non-profit, has been working non-stop to develop an installation plan and obtain permits and grants. “I think I’m well-prepared - I have all of my slides, and I’ve triple checked the calculations. My proposal should be good-to-go. I just hope the review board agrees.”

“Great. Rey, I actually wanted to talk to you about the review board…” Leia purses her lips, choosing her words delicately. “I wanted to tell you before I sent the announcement to the team. Ben will be joining the Resistance team on Monday as a pro bono regulatory advisor, and I’m putting him on the review board for your solar power project. Before you say anything - I know this may be hard for you, given your history with my son. But your project is top priority for the Resistance, and it’s crucial that we make sure there are no legal missteps.”

“Ben quit First Order?” Rey blushes at the mention of her ex.

“Yes, he left two weeks ago.”

“But… But I thought they’d promoted him to the executive team - that was his dream job.” A twinge of pain rises in her chest. When they had first started dating - Ben a stressed out Law student and Rey an optimistic and hopeful sophomore Mechanical Engineer - Ben had confided that it was his ultimate goal to work at First Order. _“First Order, where your order comes first”_ \- the corporate wildfire that swallowed up small bookshops and businesses with too-fast shipping and unbeatable markdowns. While she’d never approved of the corporation’s methods, nor their tendency to underpay their workers and evade taxes, she’d always supported his success. When he’d landed the internship with Snoke, she’d been the first to celebrate, reassuring him there was nothing to be nervous about, that he’d be brilliant. She had watched with pride as he rose quickly through the FO ranks, his brilliance and down-to-earth nature making him a major asset to the team. He had always been a workaholic, so it hadn’t come as a surprise when he started spending more and more time at the office and less and less time with her. Still, it stung. It still does, sometimes. Even so, she had been happy for him when she heard about his promotion - which is why it now comes as such a shock that he had left, right after becoming one of the youngest executives at FO _ever._

“I know, it surprised me, too.” Leia’s eyes are kind as she shrugs. “He told me the promotion made him realize he was missing out on living his life. He’ll be at the pitch on Monday.”

“Oh.” Rey squashes down the traitorous hope that blooms in her chest at the thought that she’ll see him again after their past three years apart - and so soon.

“Rey? I really am sorry I couldn’t tell you earlier-”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. And thank you for telling me, I really do appreciate it.”

Rey leaves the office, trying to numb the confusion and loneliness that the thought of her ex brings up. She knows better than to think she can fix things, not after she had fucked up their relationship so badly. _God, I need a drink._

\--

Rey steps into Maz’s crowded pub, the familiar ambiance washing over her. She feels calmer here, the pang in her chest still present but duller. It’s ironic, she muses as she makes her way toward the bar, how this place that holds so many memories of _them_ can help ease the guilt that tugs on her conscience. It had been Ben who first introduced her to Maz’s. He had worked here when they met. He’d stopped bartending once he scored the First Order job, but it remained their go-to pub. It’s still _her_ go-to pub.

Rey orders a double rum and Coke and settles down with her drink, ready to forget about the pitch, about Ben Solo. At least for now. She scrolls on her phone as she drinks, ready for the next glass far too soon. She knows she should pace herself, but she can’t bring herself to care. She freezes with a jolt when she realizes the regular bartender has been joined by another figure, his imposing size and dark hair impossible to mistake.

“Ben?”

He swallows, his plush lips pressing into a line. “Rey. I didn’t realize- How have you been?”

“I… I’ve been alright. Still working with your mother, though I suppose she’s told you already.” She can feel the blush rising in her cheeks - damn her for thinking about his lips.

“Yeah, she did. I’m looking forward to reviewing your project - it looks like a great opportunity.” Ben trails off, his amber eyes deep and melancholy in the low lighting. “Sorry, I meant to ask - would you like to order anything?”

“Yes - another double rum and Coke, please. That’s… that’s great, yeah.” Rey bites her lip as she watches him mix her drink. “So, you’ve left First Order.”

The corner of his mouth quirks up, and he hands her the drink. “Yeah, I came to my senses, finally. Couldn’t sit back anymore and watch the company fuck over small businesses time and time again. Once Snoke died, they wanted me to take over legal, and I just couldn’t keep doing it. I’m trying to make up for it - I know I sold my soul, but maybe I can help fix things.”

“By working with Leia.” Her eyes fix on his as he works his jaw.

“Yeah.” He looks away, turning his attention to other customers.

She wonders if he’s hoping to fix other things, too. _What about us - do you want to fix us_? she wants to ask. But she holds back, smacking herself internally for even thinking about it. It’s not his job to fix her mistakes. She’s the one who left, after all. She has no business being mad at him. Yes, she left because he was too caught up with his work and she couldn’t stomach it. But she left without saying goodbye, without even trying to talk to him about it. Just packed up her belongings and moved out while he was at work, leaving a note to tell him not to wait for her. Not then, not _ever_. Despite her fear of being left behind, _again_ \- or perhaps because of it - she became the one doing the leaving. What does that say about her? Rey sighs, turning her attention back to her phone.

\--

It’s just his luck to run into _her_ on his first day back at Maz’s. If he had thought more about it before accepting the return offer, perhaps he’d have had the common sense to stay far away from this place and all of its _memories_. But no - he runs a hand through his hair - no, he could never turn down Maz Kanata. He had figured it would give him something to do, anyway - keep his mind occupied. Keep him from thinking about… her. _Well, look how that turned out, Solo._ With a sigh, Ben turns his attention toward the other customers.

After a few minutes, Rey gestures for another drink. He hands over the new glass, her hand brushing against just enough to send tingles up his arm. They both freeze, a flush appearing on their cheeks. The rum and Coke splashes at the sudden halt, spilling onto the counter.

“So sorry,” she mumbles, tearing her eyes away from his and toward the mess they made. _No_ , she thinks, _the mess_ I _made._

“No, don’t be. It’s my fault,”

“Ben, no, it was me - I should’ve-”

“It’s okay, really. I’ll just get you another and clean this up.” Ben puts the spilled drink down behind the bar and reaches for a towel. He sets the new drink down in front of her, taking care to keep his hand a respectable distance from hers. One incidental touch, and he’s already a fumbling wreck. _No surprise there,_ he thinks. _You fuck everything up._

Ben sighs. It’s true. If he hadn’t put his job above everything - if he hadn’t let himself get sucked into the corporate abyss, working twelve hour days and weekends - if he had shown her how much she meant to him, then maybe they’d still be together. Maybe he wouldn’t be lonely and tired and miserable _._ _Maybe she’d still love you._ He pushes the thought away. No, it’s probably for the best that she left - he’d never deserved her, anyway. He should be happy for her - she’s free, happy...

\--

Three drinks in, and Rey’s feeling properly sloshed. _Maybe if you had eaten more for dinner,_ she scolds herself. She’s been living off of pasta and frozen meals for the better part of the last three years. Ben had always been the one who cooked when they were together. She supposes she had gotten all too used to his late night meals after he came home from work, plenty of leftovers for her placed in the fridge with calligraphy-covered post-its, his reminders that even though he came home late and left before she woke up, he still loved her. What a fool she had been to walk out on that. Her life isn’t terrible - she has her friends and her work and her cat BB8 to keep her company - but she can’t shake the sense of loneliness in her soul.

“Ben.” Rey waves her hand, trying to get his attention. “Ben. Ben, anotha-” She catches herself slurring her speech. “Another drink, please.”

Ben looks over at her, a skeptical brow raised. “Rey I think you’ve had enough.”

“Wha? I’m not thaaaat drunk.” Rey sways a bit on her barstool. “I’m a payin-” She corrects herself again. “ _Paying_ customer!”

Ben pushes a glass of water toward her. “I know, but it’s also my job to make sure _paying customers_ make it home safely.”

Rey pushes the glass back, a petulant look on her face. “No. Rum and Coke.”

Ben sighs, signaling the other bartender to take over as he walks out from behind the counter to give her the water. He stands in front of her, his arms crossed over his chest. “Drink this,” he orders.

“No.” Rey pouts. Being this close to him again is making her feel even more intoxicated. Or maybe it’s the recognizable scent of his cologne. _God,_ she’s missed him. “You still smell the same.”

Wait- she hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

“Rey, you’re drunk.”

Rey persists, reaching out a delicate hand to stroke his arm. “Damn you, how did you manage to get prettier?” she murmurs under her breath.

\--

A blush makes its way once again up his neck. _Does she really think…_ Ben’s flattered, but he seriously doubts her attraction to him goes any deeper than the surface. After all, hadn’t she left without looking back, not even once? He’s pretty sure that hadn’t been about his looks. _She can find you attractive and still hate you, idiot._ “Rey, drink.”

“Fine.” She glares at him as she sips her water.

“How are you getting home?” His arms uncross, hanging awkwardly at his sides.

She glances down at her phone. “My phone died, so I guess I’ll walk.”

“Let me call you an Uber.” He grabs his phone from his back pocket.

“No. Really, I’ll be okay.”

“Rey, where do you live?”

“I’ll walk.” Rey crosses her arms. “It’s not even that far.”

“Rey.”

“What? It’s only a mile.” Rey pushes herself to her feet. “See? I’m fine to walk.”

Ben raises an eyebrow, watching in amusement as she wobbles and tries to keep her balance. “Yeah, no. You’re not walking home. I’m calling an Uber.”

Rey reaches for his arm, covering his hand with her own. He puts his other arm around her instinctively to steady her swaying form. “Ben, please don’t. I don’t- I don’t want you to spend money on me.”

Ben’s gaze softens as he takes in the worry creasing her brow. “Okay. It’s the end of my shift, anyway. At least let me drive you home.”

“Okay,” Rey whispers, a small, hesitant smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Ben leads her to his car, pulling open the passenger side door and gesturing for her to get in. Once she’s safely nestled in the seat, he shuts the door and climbs in on the driver’s side. He turns the key in the ignition. “Rey, what’s your address?”

No answer. He sighs as he looks over to see her sleeping form. “Rey. Rey.” He shakes her shoulder gently, but he knows from experience that she’s unlikely to wake. “Sweetheart, wake up.”

He’s surprised by the familiar endearment that slips past his lips. He’s less surprised that Rey doesn’t budge. It makes his heart ache a little to see her lying there so peacefully, as if the past three painful years have melted away. He wishes, not for the first time - far from it - that he had come to his senses and quit his job at First Order when they were still together, like she had wanted. She had never asked him outright, but he was sure that it would’ve helped mend things between them. Maybe with this new job, he can prove… No, there’s no use thinking like that. He isn’t even sure if she’s single. He runs a hand through his hair in thought. There’s nothing he can do other than take her back to his apartment. He’ll take the couch. He just hopes she won’t mind when she wakes up.

A few minutes later, Ben pulls into his driveway. He turns off the car and lumbers out, stopping to pull Rey carefully out of her seat and into his arms. He carries her inside, fumbling his keys only momentarily as he enters his apartment. As he lays her down on his bed and begins removing her shoes, she stirs slightly.

“Ben?” she asks sleepily.

“Hey.” He sits next to her, plugging her phone into his bedside charger. “You fell asleep in the car before I could get your address, so I brought you to my place. I’m gonna take the couch, okay?”

Rey reaches for his hand, her eyes soft as she takes in the sight of him. “You don’t have to. You could stay.” It’s barely more than a whisper, but he hears her, nonetheless.

“Rey, I…” He wants nothing more than to crawl into bed next to her and hold her through the night, but he knows better than to agree to her drunken requests. _She’d regret it in the morning,_ he thinks. _There’s no way she’d actually want..._ “I’ll sleep on the couch, Sweetheart. We can talk more in the morning.” He gently removes his hand from hers and tucks blankets around her, bending down to leave a soft kiss on her forehead.

\--

Rey wakes up to light streaming through the curtains and the smell of coffee wafting from another room. And a raging hangover. She groans, burying her face in the pillow. _Why did I drink so much_? She curses herself for her past self’s stupidity. But then she remembers her conversation with Leia and her chance encounter with Ben Solo himself and her impromptu nap in his car, and suddenly she wants very much to be drunk again.

Rey begrudgingly pushes herself to a sitting position, taking in her surroundings. The room is bare and simple, which is what she’d expect from someone who had just moved in. What she’d expect from _Ben._ When she looks to her right, she’s surprised to find a glass sitting on the nightstand. Apple cider vinegar with water and honey, her go-to hangover cure. “He remembered,” she murmurs to herself, both pain and hope bubbling in her heart.

She sips on the drink as she pads to the kitchen. Ben stands at the counter, his tall figure obscuring whatever’s in front of him from her view, but she knows from the smell and experience that he’s making pancakes. Her breath catches in her throat. “Ben?”

“Rey. Hi, I’m just- would you like breakfast? Because I figured you might, but I’m sorry I assumed-” He turns to face her, a worried expression on his face.

“It’s okay, I’d love to stay for breakfast.” Rey smiles at him, leaning against the kitchen table.

The corners of Ben’s mouth quirk in a tentative smile. “Great. How are you feeling?”

Rey chuckles ruefully. “My head feels terrible, but thank you for the hangover cure. I’m surprised you remembered.”

“Of course I remembered. You used to swear by that stuff.”

“I still do. Honestly, every time I get a hangover, I question why I drink,” Rey mutters.

“Fair. You were pretty out of it last night.” Ben blushes, turning his attention back to cooking. “But I’m glad you stopped by Maz’s - it’s nice seeing you again.”

“Ben, listen-”

“Rey, I need you to know-”

She can see the tips of his ears practically glowing bright red. “Sorry, I… You can go first.”

“Okay.” He turns to face her again, his expression somber. “Rey, I need you to know that I’m so sorry... For being too busy with work for anything else, for not telling you about the pressure Snoke was putting on me, for making you feel alone, for… for everything. I wish I could take it all back. But I can’t.” Ben drags a hand through his hair, knitting his brow. “I guess what I’m saying is, I know I fucked up. I just hope it doesn’t make you too uncomfortable to work with me. And I’m sorry.”

The admission makes her heart ache. “It’s okay. I… I really am looking forward to working with you. I agree with Leia that we need legal oversight to make sure the project is a success. But what happened with us - it wasn’t your fault. It was mine.”

Ben opens his mouth to disagree, but she persists. “Ben, it was _my_ fault we fell apart. You were working your dream job, we were living together - we had our hiccups, but for the most part, I was happy. And then I left. After all of my own fears of the people I care about leaving me, I was the one who left. I should’ve communicated better, talked to you about work, planned around your schedule more, done anything. Anything but leaving.” A tear runs down her cheek. “I’m so sorry.” More tears come, and she bows her head. He’s her northern star, and all this time, she’s been lost without him. Having him here - so close yet so far - is damn near torture.

Ben can’t stop himself - he reaches over to gently brush away the wetness on her cheek. “Rey, I never blamed you.”

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault.” She sounds miserable, and the ache in her chest has developed into a full-bodied throbbing mess, like thorny vines constricting around her heart and lungs.

“Rey,” he murmurs as he pulls her into his arms. She melts into his embrace, her own arms wrapping around his waist, her face pressed into his shoulder. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry I ever made you feel like you had to leave. First Order was toxic and I should’ve known and you were right to leave and- But I’m here now, Rey. I know- I know it’ll never be the same, but I… I’ve missed you so much.”

\--

Ben leans down to kiss her forehead, her tears soaking into his shirt, his own tears running down his face to meet hers. He closes his eyes. He knows what he has to do. It’ll tear his heart out and she may never speak to him again, but she needs to know. He can’t let her again without knowing how he feels. So he pulls away just enough to meet her eyes, one hand on her back and the other cradling her face. “I still love you, Rey. I don’t deserve you, don’t think I ever did, but I don’t want you to think… I don’t want you to think I ever fell out of love with you. I couldn’t if I tried.”

He holds his breath, searching her face for any sign of reaction. But Rey is unreadable, tears still welling up in her eyes. She detangles her arms from his, and he lowers his arms. _This is the end,_ he thinks. He rubs a forearm roughly over his face to wipe away his tears.

“Ben.” Her hands reach up toward his face, delicately running through his hair before settling on the sides of his face. “Ben, do you really still love me? Even after everything?”

“Of course I still love you.” His voice is barely more than a whisper. “How-”

He freezes as Rey’s lips just barely graze against his own. She looks up at him, determination painted on her face. “I love you, too. I never stopped, not even when I left you. I was just… scared, I guess. Scared that I didn’t measure up against your work, scared that I couldn’t be what you needed me to be, scared that you would leave me for something better. So I left first.”

_Oh._

“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” she says in a hushed tone. He can hear the fear in her voice, but she doesn’t waver. “Do you think… Do you think we could try again? Together?”

He’s the first to move this time, wrapping his arms back around her and leaning down to meet her lips with his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please feel free to leave kudos & comments!
> 
> Thanks to my lovely friends on Discord for the writing sprints, encouragement, and advice - I couldn’t have done it without you. <3 
> 
> You can find me on Twitter: [@ellex66](https://twitter.com/ellex66)


	2. i could drink a case of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey lets out a surprised gasp as Ben’s lips touch hers. Her mouth curves into a smile and she leans in, deepening the kiss. _So this is his answer, huh_? She had expected him to draw away awkwardly, try to let her down gently. Tell her he loved her, _but._ _But_ he wasn’t ready. _But_ he couldn’t trust her anymore. _But_ there was someone else... But no, he’s here, and he’s real, and he’s kissing her like they have a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Everren, as part of the Reylo Jukebox Exchange. The song prompt was “A Case of You” by Joni Mitchell. I had so much fun writing, and I’m excited to post this as my very first Reylo story! 
> 
> Here’s chapter 2: the smut!

_I remember that time you told me, you said_

_"Love is touching souls"_

_Surely you touched mine_

_'Cause part of you pours out of me_

_In these lines from time to time_

\--

Rey lets out a surprised gasp as Ben’s lips touch hers. Her mouth curves into a smile and she leans in, deepening the kiss. _So this is his answer, huh_? She had expected him to draw away awkwardly, try to let her down gently. Tell her he loved her, _but._ _But_ he wasn’t ready. _But_ he couldn’t trust her anymore. _But_ there was someone else... But no, he’s here, and he’s real, and he’s kissing her like they have a chance.

Ben’s hands tug her closer, one moving to cradle her jaw and the other slipping under her shirt to stroke her back, sending an electric impulse down her spine. She moans softly against his mouth, her own hands tugging up at the bottom of his shirt. “Shirt off, now,” she orders between kisses, hands gliding up his chest.

He looks down at her with a deep chuckle, pulling away just enough to help remove his shirt. He pauses a moment to take her hand in his, and that small gesture makes her heart flutter. “In case… In case it wasn’t clear, my answer’s yes. I love you and there’s never been anyone else for me - _ever._ And-” Ben’s breath catches, and he swallows. “And I want to try again. _Together._ ”

A grin blooms on her lips as she gazes adoringly at him. She wraps her arms around his neck, planting open-mouthed kisses along the strong line of his jaw and down the column of his neck. He lets out a deep rumble as she sucks a bruise onto his clavicle. His hands roam across her body, slipping once more under her shirt and leaving sparks in their wake.

“Ben,” she groans against his skin, bringing a hand down to brace against his chest. “Bedroom. _Now_.”

Ben nods in agreement, picking her up in a single, fluid motion as he moves them both toward the bedroom. His lips lock with hers when he sets her down on the bed. A moment later, he jerks away, a look of panic crossing his face. He curses as he runs back out of the room. “Fuck! I just remembered - the stove is - Rey, I’ll be right back.”

When Ben returns, he stops short in the doorway. Rey lounges completely bare on the bed before him, her legs propped delicately and an arm draped across her toned stomach. Ben works his jaw, feet still frozen in place.

Watching Ben, Rey grows nervous. _Is it too soon?_ She worries frantically, shame rising in her chest as she draws her knees to her chest and slides her arm up to cover her breasts. “Shit, I’m so sorry! I thought-”

Ben cuts in, closing the distance between them in brisk steps and reaching a hand toward her. His amber eyes flash with desire. “No I- Sweetheart, are you sure?”

“Yes.” Her voice is breathy as she takes his hand, tugging him down toward her. He places his body above hers, lowering his head to kiss her.

\--

Rey moans against his mouth as he kisses her, his hands moving to her breasts. They fit perfectly in his hand, small and perky and so damn _soft_. He rolls his thumb over a peaked nipple, eliciting a soft gasp. He repeats the action, kissing his way down her neck as he rediscovers her curves.

“God - I’ve dreamed about this - about being with you again. But I never thought you’d want me back.” His words are barely audible as he breathes against her skin, but he feels them with all of his heart. If he’s honest with himself, he still can’t believe it - that she would give him another chance, that she still _loves_ him.

“Ben. Ben, look at me.”

He lifts his head, nervous to meet her eyes.

Rey brings a hand to cradle the side of his face, and he leans into her touch. “Ben, I love you. I love you so much. These past three years… I’ve felt like something was missing. Like I left a part of myself with you that I’d never get back. I haven’t… I haven’t felt that with anyone else. _Ever._ ”

Ben turns his head to plant a tender kiss on her palm as he continues to caress her breasts. He works his way up her arm, kissing up her wrist, her forearm, her shoulder, until his lips find their way back to her neck. He sucks a mark into her neck, wondering how he got so lucky to even be in her presence, let alone be _with_ her. One thing’s for certain - he can’t imagine being with anyone else.

Rey’s hand runs through his hair as he kisses his way across her collarbone and down her body, pausing at her chest. Rey lets out small gasps as he takes a pert mound in his mouth. He swirls his tongue over her nipple while tenderly massaging the other with his hand. _I could spend a whole lifetime worshipping her and it still wouldn’t be enough,_ he thinks. Rey arches her back, pushing her body against his. “Rey,” he murmurs, pausing to admire the woman laying below him. “You’re so perfect.”

He lowers his mouth to kiss her sternum - “I love your tits,” he whispers as he works his way down her tight stomach. “And the way you could beat me up but choose not to,” eliciting a soft giggle from Rey. “And how kissing you tastes like warmth and honey.” His voice is husky as he continues downward still to press his mouth to that sacred place at the juncture of her legs. “And how I am completely and utterly in awe of you.” He punctuates this by swiping his tongue lightly over her wetness, tasting her for the first time in years.

He teases her, pulling back to plant kisses on her inner thighs. “Ben,” she moans in quiet frustration, threading her fingers through his hair. He chuckles, and she whimpers as his breath tickles her folds.

“You’re so wet for me.” Ben’s voice is deep and rough with want. He gives into their shared longing and licks her heat, before gliding his tongue over her clit. He can’t help but be absolutely captivated by her - now and before and _always._ A finger grazes her folds, and then he _pushes,_ gently inserting a finger into her depths. _She's so fucking tight and wet and her hands are in my hair and -_

Rey utters his name over and over in breathy whispers as he continues his ministrations. Ben circles her clit with his tongue, pressing another finger into her. The slight resistance he feels as her walls stretch soon gives way as her heat floods with yet more wetness. She whimpers incoherently, and Ben pumps his fingers gently into her, feeling the delicious drag of her skin against his. His other arm runs up and down her thigh, shaking only slightly with the weighty understanding that _this is real._ Rediscovering her body like this - it’s more than he ever thought he could have. He savors every second, trying to memorize the way she feels around his fingers and on his tongue, her fingers against his scalp, her leg against his hand.

Minutes pass - or is it just moments? or has it been hours? - and he looks up and sees her eyes flutter closed in ecstasy. He gazes at her in wonderment as she gasps and clenches around his fingers. He loves the way she looks and feels as she climaxes - her heart beating erratically, her hands gripping against his scalp, her wetness flowing to coat his hand. Once the waves of her orgasm subside, he draws his fingers out of her depths, licking his hand and her folds clean before crawling up to kiss her, letting her taste herself on his lips.

"I love you," she purrs against his mouth, her fingers tugging at his waistband. "I love you, now take off your pants."

\--

Rey watches in anticipation as Ben rushes to discard his remaining clothes, tossing them onto a chair.

“Condom?” he asks, his ears flushed bright red.

“Implant.” She sits up to meet him, wrapping her arms around his bare chest as she kisses him. “I wanna - feel you.”

“Fuck, Rey,” he hisses as he pulls her impossibly closer, his hard cock pressing tantilizingly against her stomach. He lowers her onto her back, positioning himself at her entrance.

She moans as he pushes slowly into her. The way he stretches her walls is exquisite - God, she’s missed this. She’s missed _him_. Because it’s not just the delicious stretch as he fills her; it’s also the way his massive hands caress her breasts, and the way his soft lips feel as he plants kisses on her face and neck, and the way his amber eyes shine with desire and warmth when he looks at her, and the way he smells like _home_.

“You okay, Sweetheart?” Ben pauses to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“More than okay,” she replies, her voice breathy. She tilts her hips up, and he lets out a groan as he sinks even further into her depths.

“Rey, you feel so _good_ ,” he murmurs. He nuzzles his nose against her neck as her body adjusts to his girth. Once her breathing steadies, she whispers against his hair how she’s missed him, how she loves him, how she wants him _now_ and _forever_.

Ben raises his head to meet her eyes. “Ready, Sweetheart?”

The corners of her mouth turn up into a smile as she stretches her neck up to meet his lips with her own. “Always.”

Ben begins to move, his hips thrusting shallowly against hers at first. As he lengthens his strokes, Rey thinks she might combust from the sparks that fly between them. every time he pulls out of her depths, her walls pulse around nothing and she feels an ache of emptiness deep in her soul; every time he plunges back into her, she feels complete in a way she’d forgotten was possible. Being with him - it feels like their souls are connected - it feels like she’s finally found that missing piece of herself that she’s been searching for all this time - it feels like she’s not lost anymore. For Rey, finding her way back to him is like coming home.

As he makes love to her, Ben scatters kisses across her face, her neck, her shoulders, mumbling between each kiss that she’s his world, that he could kiss her forever, that she _matters_ to him. He moves his hand between their bodies, running his thumb lightly over her clit. Rey moans against his lips, nearly breathless and caught completely off guard. “Ben - I’m so close.”

He responds by continuing to thrust steadily into her as his thumb increases its pressure on her clit. With each stroke, he hits that secret sensitive spot inside her, bringing her ever closer to the edge. Then, when she’s hovering just at the brink of falling apart, he ducks his head to kiss her right there - that spot behind her right ear that never fails to make her grin. A tender smile spreads across her face as he raises his eyes to meet hers, his expression an intoxicating combination of pleasure and love and lust and hope and-

Ben presses his lips against hers, pushing once more into her as her walls flutter around him. Rey comes undone, pulling him over the edge with her. Sparks fly as pleasure rolls over them in waves. It’s as if the rest of the world has melted away, and all that’s left is the two of them and their ever-present love. She thinks that maybe this connection they feel is the salve for all the questions and all the fear and all the loneliness they’ve endured over the past three years. And that maybe they had needed to break apart and come together again to realize that this - their togetherness - was what they’d been looking for all along. Because at this moment, nothing feels more right than his eyes on her, mesmerized, as they both give into their pleasure.

Her body shakes with aftershocks as she comes down from her climax. Ben peppers kisses on her shoulders and neck, not pausing his ministrations for even a second as he rolls them over. Rey rests against him as her fingers trace patterns across his chest. Raising her head, she adjusts so that their legs are tangled together and her head nuzzles into his shoulder. He presses his lips against her hair.

As she relaxes against him, she can practically hear the anxiety buzzing through his mind.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Rey props herself on an elbow, eyes swimming with concern. _Does he regret this? Does he regret… us?_

Ben swallows, clenching and unclenching his jaw. “Remember our first time together? I asked if you thought we’d make it and you said…”

“Of course,” Rey cuts in softly. She kisses the furrow that’s formed between his brows. She remembers it like it happened yesterday - their shaking hands as they’d explored each other for the first time, her blush when she’d admitted she’d never… _you know_ , his shout as he’d come inside of her, his fingers and mouth replacing his cock, teasing her to orgasm when he’d realized she hadn’t come yet. After - his gentle kisses, the same worry on his brow then and now, and the ever-present question: _do you think we’re gonna make it?_

There’s no doubt in her mind. Not then, not now. Not anymore.

_Of course._

A hesitant smile tugs at his lips. She yearns to kiss him again, but she knows he needs to lift this from his chest. “Rey, when you left, I was so sure I’d fucked up _everything_. My one chance at something good - my one chance at _happiness_ , and I’d thrown it out. I kept thinking that you believed in us and I’d let you down. But now I’m thinking maybe you were right - maybe we _were_ meant to be, we just needed time. There’s something about being with you that just feels _right_.”

_Oh._

Rey beams and once more lowers her lips to meet his. And for the first time in three years, she allows herself to dream. She dreams of countless mornings and nights spent just like this - their bodies and souls entwined. She dreams of days spent working and relaxing side-by-side. She dreams of _forever_ together, time carving lines into their faces and turning their once-dark hair grey. And she dreams that maybe she can spend the rest of her life like this, drunk on their love.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please feel free to leave kudos & comments!
> 
> Thanks to my lovely friends on Discord for the writing sprints, encouragement, and advice - I couldn’t have done it without you. <3 
> 
> You can find me on Twitter: [@ellex66](https://twitter.com/ellex66)


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